When Things Are Through

The server is down at work again. Haha, internet tech support company having internet system issues... Oh well, what happened was it made our work more exciting and of course, more tedious. At one point I've troubleshooted with the guest without hotel information - good thing she got connected... Hahay, another day at work...

Weird thing is, when I got in this morning I checked on my other hotmail email account - the one I haven't openned for months now. Then the first 3 emails I got were from Ian. Yup, just sent today. They were nonsense actually, just forwarded mails forwarded to his whole list I guess. But again I'm buggin'! After all these months that I haven't openned that account, I would open it today of all days when he just sent me emails. Is it a sign? Do I still have to believe in signs? Does it even matter?

I don't know how I got to do it after the busy-ness of the day but I sent him a mail. I couldn't help it. I have to know one way or another why I can't reach him anymore and somehow get some answers so that I can finally get over everything and move on. Well I am moving on but not really. Coz at the corner of my mind I still got these questions that only he can answer and I hate it! I hate waiting for the time for us to talk. I hate not being able to sleep at night coz I'm thinking of a lot of possibilities. I hate the hurt I feel inside for being made to feel this way. But I can't hate him.

I've never actually hated anyone in my life. Not my adviser in third grade, not Mrs. Yap (my calculus teacher), not even that guest who made me cry buckets! I get angry, I get disappointed, I get hurt and sometimes I think that I really hate that person but it never stays long and I end up feeling sorry that we can't understand each other. Now I feel sorry that we have to end this way and I don't want to. I want us to end as friends, at least. So I'll try my best for it...