Until Then

It's about 6 pm but I just got out of bed. After an entire day spent watching the Lost Saturday Marathon, I feel almost human again. I dunno what happened, but today I just felt like wallowing. Nope, no apparent reason. No heartache, no headache, no stress. Just felt like wallowing, period.

Then in the middle of my wallowing I had this recollection. A series of them actually. I remembered events wherein I met my classmates in high school and college and we exchange details of our estranged lives. Then as naturally as it comes, the question of work pops up. I tell them I work at CallTek of course then as usual follows the "What's CallTek?" question and I have to explain that it's a call center. Then comes the surprised/'what happened to you?' look. As if I've told them that I'm an addict or have been in jail or something.

Why? Am I such a disappointment? Fine, for most of my life I'm at the top of my class. I have somewhat the "leadership" skills and probably in my teachers' statistics, one of the most likely to succeed. But what is success anyway? For all the wisdom books I've read, not once have I encountered a definite definition of success. It's like happiness...or life.

No, I am not successful. To be honest, I'm not so certain if I will be. But what I do know is that for once in my life I'm actually working hard for something. Life has always been relatively easy for me -- school, sports, friends, family. I never had to work for it, sure I did have to exert some effort at some point but it never took much from me. Now I force myself to get up each ungodly hour and spend 8 hours on the phone talking to some son-of-a-***** on top of which, I have to convince myself to do it again the next day.

The fact that I'm starting to look forward for another day of work, I have to say I'm succeeding all right. So stop looking at me with raised eyebrows because somehow, believe it or not I am growing up. I'm taking this road and I will soldier on until one day I will find myself and I will know then if I'm a failure or not. Til then, no one can tell me otherwise.