Lately I feel like I'm constantly spinning and everything around me is going into a blur and I just want to take a moment.. stop.. and think.
I'm going into this routine.. wake up.. prepare for work.. get to work.. run errands for the house/meet friends.. sleep.. then get back to first base. I can't get out of it. I can't reset it... can't jumble things up.. it has to be in the same cycle or else there's hell to pay. When I was in school I don't feel comfortable when I fall into a routine. It was much easier then though.. whenever I felt like it, I can just not get into class.. play billiards.. go out.. stay home.. as long as I don't fail, nobody will know otherwise. How I wish I can turn back time.
Two days ago I wasn't feeling well. I had been suffering with sore throat for a week. I requested to go home. The company nurse didn't permit me though coz I didn't have FEVER! I was as hoarse as a dog for chrissake! Apparently in her vocabulary, everybody who falls in sick has to have fever.. what a pity (i should get her to watch Grey's Anatomy). That bugged me. That bugged me to the point that I realized how "confined" I am. I'm close to prisoner status! I can't be late (it's unprofessional).. I can't be absent w/o a Medical Cert. (even for a simple sore throat).. I must pay my bills every month (ooh, if only i can get out of it).. I have to take care of my mom's every whim (ooh if not the bills, then get me out of this)...
I'm going crazy with all the Musts and Shoulds! If this is growing up, I must be damned. Whatever did I do when I was younger to deserve it?
1 comment:
Good words.
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