It's so easy to fantasize about things you know would never come to be. Even if you know that there's no chance for these things to come true but just the thought of the possibility of it happening really feels good. I didn't have a crush until I was in grade six. I had the best childhood, I think.. I took the most I can of it. Then I had a crush on this guy a year older than I was and he was the best friend of my then best friend's brother. We used to hang-out on breaks in their classroom and after school on the basketball court. I found him amazing. He was tall and smart and good looking. What reeled me in is his kind eyes. He had the kindest eyes and warmest smile. Then sometime after, his mom died. During his time of grief I liked him some more. There was something about his quiet strength and his love for his mom that drew me.

Thinking back, this guy has become the "outline" of my ideal man. Not that I still hold a torch for him or what but I've come to like guys who are very much like him. Smart.. Silent.. Kind.. and as much as I hate it, mama's boys. Now what usually draws me to them is the thing drives us apart. I'm not nice to my crushes.. I'm more of uhm.. harsh. I ignore them at worst, argue with them at best. I'm just so afraid they'll see through me. None of them do. Most of them turn out to be really close friends though. And that's where I draw the line.

And I'm thinking.. Maybe I have to draw the line right now...