Over?

Over?

The finals are finally over. i have leapt over the final hurdle. i have fought the final battle... but is it really over? you know as well as i do that it isn't. it's long from over because as soon as next semester starts, the battle would start anew, and wills are yet to be tested. no matter how hard i try to engage myself to have fun, i can't. what i think of the entire day is how to explain to my parents that i have failed certain subjects. what i think of before i sleep at night is how to deal with the same thoughts tomorrow. these days or weeks before the distribution of final grades are truly grueling. it is torture to simply think of what could happen in the future because as always, we are not in control. if one could be given the control over his life, what would life be like? would it be better or worse? exciting or interesting? would people be happy then? i remember when i was younger i used to be angry at my parents for not giving me enough freedom to do the things i wanna do, upto this day they still set certain boundaries and we still argue but there are times that i just want to stop thinking and just follow what they want me to do. when i'm tired and confused i turn to my dad and ask for his guidance. i dunno, i just wanna be a kid again devoid of responsibilities and worries and apprehensions. yes, to have control over my life might be fun but maybe not for a long time. speaking of being a kid, i took ipay's inner child quiz and i found out that my inner child is ten. ha, 10! see, it's not 3! bleh!! but i'm almost twenty and my inner child is ten?! well at least it wasn't 3, as ipay predicted... but you see, this worries me too. i've asked some of my closest friends if they think i'm really that childish and all of them said yes. all of them! how could that be, when all this time i regarded myself pretty maturely. after all, i'm in the vot so i musn't be that childish, right? right?! oookay so maybe just a little... i can't help it. is it so bad? i'm not sure if it's curable... you think i can still grow up? it's not like i'm abnormally immature, right? right?! right??!!!